Progress, However Minimal Is Still Forward Motion

I got to thinking earlier today about how quick I am each morning upon waking to kick myself for what I did, said, ate, how I behaved, not having enough patience, not being present enough.  But it occurred to me as I was silently berating myself, saying something like "how ridiculous you are to have to begin again each day, for your failures the day before".  Then I looked at the sentence again...how ridiculous you are to have to begin again each day, for your failures the day before.  There, that's better.  I've been kicking myself for years for what, not being THERE yet? I am a work in progress and dag nab it progress has been made.  Sometimes two steps forward and one step back, for sure but still forward.   And that I can think differently something like, good for you for not sitting down and giving up on your path of growth in the face of imperfection and obstacles.  And how lovely a thought, to begin again each day, or continue to grow.  What a beautiful dance it is to grow.  I must recognize it more. 



Full......no maybe not completely full circle

Feeling like I was lost, low, hopeless, sad.  Finding truly, madly, deeply, love.  Back to feeling lost, low and hopeless. Reality (and people, including me)  mucks some stuff up, working on the truly, madly, deeply maybe turning it into realistic forever.  Confusing.

It's interesting where life takes us.  The twists and turns.  The lessons learned, those in progress of learning and those I am still fighting because I don't want to learn them quite yet.

It's also interesting to see who is by your side in times like these.  Truly, UNCONDITIONALLY by your side.  That's all for now...

Finding My Way

I say this every time I return but oh how I miss writing, and I have neglected that part of my soul, among many others.

This time in my life along with the Holidays being upon us has me thinking a lot about change and what lies ahead, also shaking myself and though glancing down the road ahead can't hurt, I really need to remind myself to be RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

It's strange (for me) to say at 31 that I am still just scratching the surface of who I really am and what I really want, and what I really could do ad be.  It's exciting, overwhelming and terrifying all at the same time.

I have sort of started a list......

1) I want to become a photographer.  To really learn it, if nothing else to capture those precious moments for my family and friends.

2) I want to write a book.  I love writing and so love words, I wish I could eat them up.

3) If I were to really get a degree in anything I think it would serve my soul best to be a counselor or social worker or something like that.  I feel best when I am of service to others.

4) I want a relationship with God/Spirit/Source, call it whatever you want, but I want to walk with it in my daily life and I don't have that yet

5) I want to begin and sustain a meditation practice

6) I want to study Yoga, become a yogi

7) I want to help people, even if it's just to help them smile more (also see #3)

I will probably come back and periodically add to it, but here I can start, feed your soul.  Love yourself like your life depeds upon it Mia.

Focus on Change

This is my favorite time of year, Fall.  The crispness in the air, the scarves, the changing leaves, the bringing together of family and warmth in the heart.

I have been neglectful of that which lights my inner fire, so I am choosing this, my favorite part of the year to reignite and refocus myself.  To obtain the consciousness I crave.  I want to read and write more.  Take photos and learn more about that process.  Spend Quality time with my family and slow down to pay attention and really take in the smiles and laughter.  To be a part of contributing to those smiles and laughter.  To do my best.  In all areas that serve me, my health and my Family.  To give myself some grace if the house isn't perfect or I am feeling less than for a moment.  I will do my best to listen more than I talk, seek first to understand and have compassion in my heart.  I will do my best to be fully present in each moment.  I will do my best to make my insides match my outsides.  To walk the walk. 

Welcome Mia, your life is waiting.

Sometimes Life Doesn't Feel Beautiful

I know it is.  I know that no matter what obstacles, speed bumps, roadblocks, I am on my path and that in and of itself is something to be grateful for.  Sometimes what we KNOW is still hard to feel in the heart.  I am struggling with that today and the past few days.  I know that none of what is going on is something I can control or fix in any way, but it's disheartening none the less.  Today I will focus only on my breath, and be grateful I have it, and do my best to LET GO.

Could It Be?

This past week I have been presented with an opportunity to do something I really am passionate about, and get this.....get paid for it!?!  I have often heard it said "when you are ready, the teacher will appear".  I guess I aligned my stars and now it seems that it might actually be a possibility.  I might, no I WILL get to learn all this stuff I have been yearning to learn.  and it just might be a possibility that this could be what I get to do. 

So could it be? When I am asked what I do, I could answer sometime soon.......I'm a photographer.........

Oh the butterflies of excitement flutter about inside

"It is never to late to be who you might have been"-George Eliot



Endings, Beginnings, and Continuings

As the end of the school year approaches, it makes me start to think about life and how quickly it goes.  How we MUST remember to SLOW DOWN and take in the moments that will imprint on our hearts and souls forever.

 It's such a cliche' but it seems like only yesterday I was holding her hand walking her into her first day of Kindergarten.

It seems like it was only yesterday I looked into Jeremy's handsome face, and met Charlie's smirk (which matches his Dad's)

It seems like only yesterday I committed, or re-committed to making me and my health a priority (wait that was actually yesterday :)

The bad news is time flies by us, life goes fast
The good news is....only if we let it.

This is one reason photography is (has been) a passion of mine, because you capture moments that you can steal a moment and look back at, and remember...the feeling

A lot has changed over the past year and a half of my life.  Some things have ended (thankfully)or are coming to an end (sadly).  Some things have begun (thankfully) and I am lucky enough to say that through it all I have had and have gained some amazing, supportive, positive, wonderful people.  And that is a lot of what life is about for me. 

Step outside, and feel the wonderfulness of the sun hit your skin and think about just exactly how LUCKY YOU ARE!