OK, but how?

So I have increasingly been feeling deficient in the spirit department.  Feeling like I want to read all these books, spiritual texts, (when I wish I could ingest them in binge fashion or absorb all the information osmosis style).  I have struggled with how to start aligning myself with spirit and to practice it daily. To DAILY hold something in my heart that will radiate within me. I feel my heart has been so closed off due to regular life stresses and other life situations that are present at the moment.  I don 't know if I ever really have just surrendered myself to a power greater than myself, I know I want to, I'm just not sure how one does that, and daily just lives with the knowledge that you are not alone.  That you not only cannot "fix" everything or handle everything on your own (in house so to speak), but you don't have to. 

How do I open my heart.  I am here, at the door to my spiritual life and I cannot find the doorknob.  I feel slightly stupid at times, like it seems so easy for everyone else......why not me?  I want to live a mlife full of spirit, faith, hope, courage and love and I want to be able to pass that along to my daughter....I am just not sure I know how......

This is what I am sitting with today.  Felt the need to put it out there.  We will never get the answer if we never ask the question right?

A glance back and a look forward

A year ago this month I seperated from my Husband.  This has been one of the most trying years of my life.  Still so emotionally entrenched in the process of the divorce process and trying to get that all finalized.  Just when I thought I had reached the finish line with it all done semi ammicably.......the crazy starts.  The emotions and wounds open again.  I have every right to not allow that back into my life. 

The good news? 

With all that has been happening over the past year, the work and focus on myself, the lovely Life Skills class, wonderful support from some beautiful souls and the focus on Hailey Bug and her health, happiness and well being.  I see things so much more clearly now and know in my heart what is right. 

And you never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have. 

And the gifts I've been given, I cannot wait to share them with Hailey.....she deserves so much.  And Mom can give her that now.  And she will.