Believe Now Button Please

I love words.  I am enchanted by them.  I love reading and coming across words I haven't discovered in my almost 32 years.  It's a world still unfolding.  I have had this wild notion that I would write a book someday.  It would have to be about something real.   Not big on fiction this gal.  I could sit and get lost for hours in a book or even some of my favorite blogs.  And I read them knowing they have such a following.  Could I ever be that? Rebecca Wolfe www.girlgonechild.com is one of my favorites.  She has also written a book.  I read her stuff and silently say to myself, I feel like that's me, or what I am supposed to be doing.  Like it's somewhere inside of me, but again the me I know I am inside isn't matching the outer Mia.  Enter the spiritual struggle and the finding myself, my path etc....and the questioning if I am good enough. 

I was recently introduced to Brene Brown.  One of her two TED talks has been viewed over 6 million times.  I'm not surprised.  It's like she was researching me.  She said something like, the one difference between people who felt worthy of love and those who didn't is the ones who felt it, BELIEVED they deserved it.  It about knocked me over.  I am a quarter of the way into her book Gifts Of Imperfection. Maybe if I can get from one side to the other...the believing side.  I can start living the authentic Mia's life, wholeheartedly.  If I can just Believe.  Sounds so simple.....I'm working on it

Time Hop Slap

So I have this app on my phone called Time Hop.  It allows you to take a look back a year, two or even three on that day in your history on Facebook.  So 2 years ago today on Facebook I posted

                 "Can feel the weight creeping back on...enough of that I say!"

Here I sit two years later with the same thing on my mind, initially sort of felt like a slap in the face, the negative tape loop pressed play and the "see you lazy pants, you're still in the same place, still struggling to lose, how come you're not good enough, you'll never be thing or pretty..."  SHUT UP!

There is one ginormous difference between the girl who posted that and the one that sits here today.  I now know that I have to work from the inside out for happy, healthy etc.  We've all heard "Happiness, it's an inside job".  And I AM working on all that and some subtle  shifts inside have begun, I FEEL differently about myself.  Has the stupid subconscious tape loop changed over from negative to positive completely? No.  Am I catching the bad thoughts sooner, yes.  Again, progress, not perfection.  Working from the inside out.