Feeling Good

So much seems to be stirring inside me.  Good thoughts, feelings,my mood has shifted and I cannot complain.  Something has yanked me out of the sad hole I was in and I feel like the sun is finally hitting my face and it feels GOOD.

I haven't been in touch with music for a long time too and all of a sudden it seems like I am hearing songs differently.  I'm not just hearing them, I am feeling them course through my veins and it feels good.  The lyrics sound like they were meant for me and only me right at this moment in my life.  I needed that.  I'm driving around town running errands dancing and singing like a fool.  And I'm loving every minute of it.

I feel happiness afoot in my life.  I feel hope and feel like it's real and I can almost hold it like a tangible item.  I am taking time out of every day for me.  Making sure I am putting me on the priority list again.

So healthy mind: I'm sure feeling happier than I have in a long time.  Change your thoughts, change your life right?

Healthy Body: Getting healthier, feeling way better

Healthy Spirit: I feel full, my heart is full of gratitude for the good things in my life.

Thank you to those positive people in my life who are helping me along the way.  You have no idea what your presence in my life means to me.

 

Fallen Off The Exercise wagon

Is what I have obviously done, as you can tell I have not been writing about my glorious daily experiences of great endorphins pumping through me post workout, or the "me time" I've gotten in.  And since I have not been nurturing myself (mind, body or spirit) I feel pretty much like a slug.  Yuck.  Ok, so I am off to the pool now to get some laps then sun in, maybe read a book. Then off to work tonight. 

It's interesting, coming from habits that were not taking good care of me, it's hard to switch things up quickly.  Daily effort must be made.  I'm worth the effort though I think.....

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe"

Life as it is and what might be missing

To say I am going through a rough patch in my life, well, I think that's an understatement.  Things in life are shifting, like after an earthquake.  You know the earthquake itself is over but you are constantly waiting for the aftershocks.  Always afraid that the next time you put your foot down the earth below you might not be in the same place you left it. I still don't know where or how everything is going to end up, all I can do is work on me and do the best I know how for me and the Bug (and the Tuff...whom I feel I have yet to introduce...my 5 year old pit bull).  That's all anyone can do is there best right?  By no means does this mean I make no mistakes.  My best right now comes with many a flaw.  I am a work in progress.  I am learning.  Learning to trust myself, and really for the first time to love myself.  It feels good to be pointed in that direction at least, amidst all the yuck going on right now.

The way I am feeling a lot lately is that I am missing a part of my trinity.  I know the logical way to a healthy body: Eat well, and move more.  A healthy mind: Start learning to love and trust myself, let go of the past, forgive, live in the moment (reading a lot on the subject).  The spirit though...I've never been taught how to have a relationship with that portion of myself or God for that matter.  And I want to avoid getting caught up in the "religion" debate/conversation with everyone.  I believe there is more than one road to God, I am struggling with finding my own.  I think Elizabeth Gilbert in "Eat, Pray, Love" said it best for me.

"I want to have a lasting experience of God.  Sometimes I feel like I understand the divinity in this world, but then I lose it because I get distracted by my petty desires and fears.  I want to be with God all the time.  But I don't want to be a monk , or totally give up worldly pleasures.  I guess what I want to learn is to live in this world and enjoy it's delights but also devote myself to God."

My search for such has begun I suppose...

Me Time

Oh how I have missed it.  Me Time.  I cannot describe the simple joy I get now from doing things completely on my own.  Wandering through Target sans child is almost blissful.  Today, knowing that I had a 2 1/2 hour span that the Bug (also known as my daughter) would be in preschool I decided my exercise of choice today in the 90 degree weather should be swimming.  The pool was not totally deserted but few enough people were there that it remained pleasant.  i couldn't swim for as long as I thought, but that will come as I build up endurance and strength.  But after I was out of breath, I made sure to give myself enough Me Time to sit and just soak up the sun.  No one to talk to, no book, no electronic devices, just me and the sun.

For my mind and body, I am glad I took some quiet time out for me.

Today It Begins

My Journey.  To become the healthiest me.  I've made half-hearted commitments or resolutions in the past but nothing has ever stuck.  And now I have arrived at the last year I will live in my 20's, having just turned 29, and something feels different.  This one's for me. (raising the proverbial glass toasting myself)

I am not in the best shape (to say the least), and I have a lack in my life that I feel can only be filled with finding my way to spirituality.  So this is my commitment, in writing, to myself, that I will, a year from now, be the healthiest me that I have ever been.  Mind, Body and Spirit.

Here I go...