Finding My Way

I say this every time I return but oh how I miss writing, and I have neglected that part of my soul, among many others.

This time in my life along with the Holidays being upon us has me thinking a lot about change and what lies ahead, also shaking myself and though glancing down the road ahead can't hurt, I really need to remind myself to be RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

It's strange (for me) to say at 31 that I am still just scratching the surface of who I really am and what I really want, and what I really could do ad be.  It's exciting, overwhelming and terrifying all at the same time.

I have sort of started a list......

1) I want to become a photographer.  To really learn it, if nothing else to capture those precious moments for my family and friends.

2) I want to write a book.  I love writing and so love words, I wish I could eat them up.

3) If I were to really get a degree in anything I think it would serve my soul best to be a counselor or social worker or something like that.  I feel best when I am of service to others.

4) I want a relationship with God/Spirit/Source, call it whatever you want, but I want to walk with it in my daily life and I don't have that yet

5) I want to begin and sustain a meditation practice

6) I want to study Yoga, become a yogi

7) I want to help people, even if it's just to help them smile more (also see #3)

I will probably come back and periodically add to it, but here I can start, feed your soul.  Love yourself like your life depeds upon it Mia.

Focus on Change

This is my favorite time of year, Fall.  The crispness in the air, the scarves, the changing leaves, the bringing together of family and warmth in the heart.

I have been neglectful of that which lights my inner fire, so I am choosing this, my favorite part of the year to reignite and refocus myself.  To obtain the consciousness I crave.  I want to read and write more.  Take photos and learn more about that process.  Spend Quality time with my family and slow down to pay attention and really take in the smiles and laughter.  To be a part of contributing to those smiles and laughter.  To do my best.  In all areas that serve me, my health and my Family.  To give myself some grace if the house isn't perfect or I am feeling less than for a moment.  I will do my best to listen more than I talk, seek first to understand and have compassion in my heart.  I will do my best to be fully present in each moment.  I will do my best to make my insides match my outsides.  To walk the walk. 

Welcome Mia, your life is waiting.

Sometimes Life Doesn't Feel Beautiful

I know it is.  I know that no matter what obstacles, speed bumps, roadblocks, I am on my path and that in and of itself is something to be grateful for.  Sometimes what we KNOW is still hard to feel in the heart.  I am struggling with that today and the past few days.  I know that none of what is going on is something I can control or fix in any way, but it's disheartening none the less.  Today I will focus only on my breath, and be grateful I have it, and do my best to LET GO.

Could It Be?

This past week I have been presented with an opportunity to do something I really am passionate about, and get this.....get paid for it!?!  I have often heard it said "when you are ready, the teacher will appear".  I guess I aligned my stars and now it seems that it might actually be a possibility.  I might, no I WILL get to learn all this stuff I have been yearning to learn.  and it just might be a possibility that this could be what I get to do. 

So could it be? When I am asked what I do, I could answer sometime soon.......I'm a photographer.........

Oh the butterflies of excitement flutter about inside

"It is never to late to be who you might have been"-George Eliot



Endings, Beginnings, and Continuings

As the end of the school year approaches, it makes me start to think about life and how quickly it goes.  How we MUST remember to SLOW DOWN and take in the moments that will imprint on our hearts and souls forever.

 It's such a cliche' but it seems like only yesterday I was holding her hand walking her into her first day of Kindergarten.

It seems like it was only yesterday I looked into Jeremy's handsome face, and met Charlie's smirk (which matches his Dad's)

It seems like only yesterday I committed, or re-committed to making me and my health a priority (wait that was actually yesterday :)

The bad news is time flies by us, life goes fast
The good news is....only if we let it.

This is one reason photography is (has been) a passion of mine, because you capture moments that you can steal a moment and look back at, and remember...the feeling

A lot has changed over the past year and a half of my life.  Some things have ended (thankfully)or are coming to an end (sadly).  Some things have begun (thankfully) and I am lucky enough to say that through it all I have had and have gained some amazing, supportive, positive, wonderful people.  And that is a lot of what life is about for me. 

Step outside, and feel the wonderfulness of the sun hit your skin and think about just exactly how LUCKY YOU ARE!

Beige

Not just the color per se, but I look around my life recently and it lacks a life, a fire.  Something for me to be passionate about, for me (besides the obvious, my family of course).  I need something for me to say, yeah that's what I love.  There are many things I love but haven't found my avenue of expression yet.  I am looking to take a photography course this fall as well as start my yoga practice (that's me practicing yoga, not opening a studio)

I am so impatient I want the fire and passion and joy in my belly to ignite and lead me in the right direction in MY journey NOW! (think Veruca Salt)

Must practice patience and take small steps towards breathing life back into Mia.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.  ~Author Unknown

Sometimes a girls gotta cry

I can't believe it's been so long since I have returned to write.  Every time I do I remember how much I miss it, and how theraputic it is for me.  So much has happened in the past few months.  I don't feel compelled to talk about any of it though.

As I sit here, thinking about what exactly it is I want to write, to purge, to get off my chest, all that comes to mind is I want to cry.  My shoulders and heart are heavy.  I have been putting on the strong face for so long I just want to cry.  Sometimes life is just to much.  Gotta be strong, gotta put on the good face for the kids, gotta go to work and smile.  Well right now, this is my moment and I am going to let myself hurt.  Let myself feel all the stuff I have been stuffing down.  Let the wounds show. I keep seeing this on Pinterest.....

I'm done trying.......just for today I give myself permission to hurt.

Making the outer me match the inner me or being the true Mia

This above all: to thine own self be true.

I spend a lot of time talking, planning, thinking about things I would like to do, what i would like to be.  I feel a pull towards certain things.  But I don;t get off my behind to get up to do or be.  WHY?  I feel this person inside, but I'm not living as her right now.  I am not being true to myself and who I KNOW I am.  Why are days off allowed to be consumed with bad TV and mundane errands.  Yes, life has to be lived and accordingly there are things that need to happen.  I must go to work, the kids must be attended to, cleaning and keeping the house in order must happen. But isn't it also a must to take care of me?  And to nourish my soul.  I talk about it a lot, I think about it incessantly.  Why aren't I doing it?  I feel like I'm living a false Mia life.  My insides (my soul and it's purpose) are not being lived or expressed outwardly, and more and more that just seems WRONG.

This may be a big, well, DUH moment to anyone who might be reading this but I needed to say it.  I need to live Mia.  I need to let Mia live.

I need to read, to write, to meditate, to go to yoga, to start learning more about photography, to attend a satsang.  I need to walk, to hike, to play, to breathe fresh air and have fun.  I need to sit in the sun.  I need to appreciate this moment.

I need to do.  I need to be.  I will do.  I will be.

Here's to you Mia. Learning to let yourself LIVE.