An Episode Of The Office Brings Insight?...Really?

Two guys sitting in the middle of a huge trash pile at the dump, talking about what a great picture it would be...amongst all this trash at the dump if there was just one flower growing up from all of it.  The caption or title to that picture would read (as the gentlemen on the show agreed) "Hope Grows At The Dump". 

Now as my many avid readers know, my life feels a little like a dump lately.  Messy, full of unwanted junk and not easy to wade through.  But I am doing my best (through the dump) to try and see the positive.  I cannot say feel or think positive yet, as I still feel at the beginning stages of my journey and feel pretty mucked up mostly.  But I know the positive exists, and feel that is the first of many steps.

So thank you to "The Office", Hope grows at the dump.  I needed to hear that.  Everything happens for a reason. I DO believe that.

It's Not Always Easy To Do The Right Thing

Sure I've heard it before, but it keeps repeating itself in my head after it was said to me  the other night at a fabulous 80's prom themed birthday.  I'm not sure why this is the time I hear it that it decides to ring so true and hit a nerve, but as I am learning, stop questioning and analyzing things so much and just go with it (so 70's of me yes?"go with the flow man").  It really isn't easy.  It is hard.  I cry, I question myself and my decisions daily and feel very weighted by life a lot lately.  But it's not ALL bad, and it's a lot easier to see that after a good cry sometimes.  Yes, I get emotional and I need to release it, sometimes it comes in that form...I'm becoming much more comfortable with that part of me.  A Slow process for sure but again...one day at a time, I'm sure this whole "finding my way" process will get easier and easier.....

What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Reassurance?

When it comes to my life, even my most personal of personal things, I have always erred on the side of truth.  On telling people ALL of what is going on with me because I appreciate others giving me the opportunity to see things from a perspective  that I may have missed.  I need help, especially when in the middle of something deeply emotional or overwhelming.  I need people close to me to reassure me that my feelings/thoughts/reactions/actions are not crazy.  This helps.  It helps me go forward and pulls me out of the pit of self doubt that I can get into when things are....emotional or overwhelming.  Thank you to those in my life who reassure me of my sanity....fleeting as it may seem.

Patience

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”

How I feel now

This is what I need to remember: 

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew."

I will not lose hope.  I will continue to work on being patient with myself.  I need a patience mantra or something.  I keep trying to make great strides or leaps in my head when I know things take time. 

Renewed Faith In Humanity

So much of our lives are filled with yuck.  Because, well, let's be honest, there is a lot of that in the world.  But there are some of us who are lucky enough to have moments, or people in their lives that every so often renew ones faith in humanity.  I am that person today.  I have worked at my current job since late March of this year and I have fallen in love with it for many reasons, first and foremost...the people who work there with me.  We all recently learned of a fellow co-worker who had fallen ill, and this team has rallied to help support his family like no other I have seen.  It truly brought tears to my eyes.  It's amazing.  I am at a loss for words.  I am grateful and better for knowing all these people.

An Attitude Of Gratitude .....Even Through The Storms

I have to admit, my Mom gave me a journal almost 5 years ago now and she told me to write in it everyday what I was grateful for that day.  Though it has maintained its place right by my bedside I have yet to actually write in it.  I love to write, I love words.  I love to surround myself with beautiful, supportive, inspirational words, there is no obvious reason that I shouldn't have started and maintained this beautiful journal.  I think now is the time...I am trying to change my outlook and I have been told "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change".  I want to express my gratitude to the world, even if it is on pages in a private closed journal.  That still counts as putting it out into the universe right?  In times of trial, which I am all too familiar with lately, its good to be able to look around and see the spots of light in your life like the spots of blue sky peeking out through the Grey clouds after today's rain.  I have a lot to be grateful for in my life, and as time goes on i still find there is even MORE I can see in my life that I am truly lucky to have around me.  Tonight, I write.

One Step At A Time

So much change in such a short period can be overwhelming, nay, is overwhelming.  I find myself today looking at the BIG picture.  Given enough time to think about that, having mini moments of panic, causing actual physical reactions in my body,I have my realization for today: Must look ONLY at the small picture.  One moment, one day at a time. 

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” - Mark Twain

I am happy to also have stumbled upon this

‘Smile, breathe and go slowly.’ ~Thich Nhat Hanh